Hello people, I am back to the land of the internet and the world of blogging. I know I have been missing for ages now, and I pray you don’t hate me too much just for being away. Apologies. But I have been in the most shittiest state mentally and anything i would have written would have been very low, moody and full of negativity, something I aim to avoid at all times. Anyways. I am back with killer headache but fingers itching to type.

What can I talk about today? I want to talk about something positive or upbeat because honestly, maybe if I type something good, then I’ll feel it to. Sometimes you have to tell yourself something is true, and hope that it does and until it does, don’t lose hope.

So I think today’s topic is just about holding on, and adaptation. Science states that humans evolve and part of the evolution process is adaptation. We humans adapt in every situation, like how people who live in hot countries tend to have a darker skin, because their bodies produce extra melanin which is to prevent them from getting skin cancer from UV rays. Okay, so before you wonder why I am giving a science lesson, I’ll explain. Just how our bodies adapt to environments for survival, so do we in our minds.

Our conscious mind may refuse to succumb to pain or hardships, but sub-consciously we do. I in myself am a prime example to this. In February 2012 I had my first ever panic attacks, and was diagnosed with anxiety issues. At that times, I was so firm and adamant that I would not let my mental health define me, and that I will continue my life as normal, pretending that part of me, never even existed. But the truth is, that was impossible. It’s like saying, I don’t like that arm- It’s now not a part of me. Life doesn’t work like that. For the first few months I was fine, it affected my studies, but not my exam results- so all was good. But by 2013, my exam results slumped, my social interactions reduced and college options became limited. But I still continued pretending it didn’t bother me, and that it had no impact on my life whatsoever.  But now I give in, not to my illness, but to accepting that my illness is actually a part of me. I had to drop out of my studies in October 2014 because I realised, I have to stop lying to myself, my illness is a part of me.

But I refuse to let that be the end of everything. Just because my illness is a part of me, doesn’t mean it has to be the end of me. I now accept this as a part of me, and will shape my life with it, rather than around it.

I dunno if this post made any sense at all, but it was both an insight into my life as well as just a saying, that accepting flaws doesn’t make you weak. Accept and embrace and work with them, and I swear, it makes things easier, because denying them, fools none but yourself.

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