So, I have stuff on my mind as usual, and people who will listen: ie. You. People of the internet. I have queries, please help me by giving advice is you can…
How do you tell someone the truth? How do you say that sleeping,which was once your best escape has now become a pure misery? How do you tell or even explain to anyone that when you sleep, the thoughts don’t stop, they go round and round in your head? Who do you tell that the medicines which make you drowsy and sleepy are like handcuffs, like chains tying you down? You want to wake up from the thoughts that haunt you in your sleep, you want to escape those nightmares, but the medicines act as chains forcing you to face these demons.
Who do i tell that i don’t know whats easier for me anymore, they say i need sleep for rest, but the torture never stops? I feel the throbbing of my head, the ache in my back, but worse of all, the constant presence of my thoughts. That now I don’t know which is worse, is it the attacks and thoughts in the day? Or is it the non escapable torture at night? Which is it, i don’t know.
Right now, it’s 4:51am and I have tears running down my face and all I can think is… Which is worse? How do i explain to my parents that sleeping is no relief, that its probably just as bad as being awake.
I once craved sleep, it was the best thing, I loved it. But now even the mention of the word ‘sleep’ does something to me, i detest it. Like a little kid, i whine about not wanting to sleep, because like them, i’m scared of the monster- but its not longer under my bed; rather it lives with me, inside my head…
Which do you think is worse? I don’t know anymore, advice?